A Divided Heart

"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me." -- Romans 7:15-20

Something that I've really been noticing lately is the reality that we have almost two different sides to us--one side, which wants to do what's right, and God's will, and the part that knows God, and the other side that almost seems like a completely different person. It's the part of us that leads us to think things we don't want to think, do things we don't want to do, and takes control of our emotions. I know in my own life it's led to much frustration--an incident occurs that makes me mad, or depressed, or triggers me in some way, and I get mad that my heart's even going in that direction. What's crazy is how it's almost like you can't help it... and that's where God comes in. That's where we have to leave it up to the Holy Spirit to correct us, guide us, and lead us in all truth. We've got to let His love take control of every facet of who we are. And personally, I think this is one of the hardest things to deal with in the Christian walk. Learning to speak out in faith what isn't, learning to give God praise and still have joy even when your life is crumbling before you. It's definitely not a mindset we're used to in this day and age. Most people, and correct me if I'm wrong, but they give into their pain. If they feel sick, what do they do? "Yeah, I'm sick," and they embrace it as a part of themselves. When in reality, that's never been God's will for us. His will has never been for us to be sick, depressed, angry, or in sin.

So I pose a challenge for you... next time you're feeling down, you just messed up, or things just aren't going your way, give praise to God; He's still good and worthy of praise. Doesn't matter the circumstances. And realize the truth... His truth. Even if you just messed up, if you've repented, move on. God does. You are renewed, restored, and made whole. Crazy, eh? Well, it's a process, and one we may never fully get down while we're on this earth. But give it a shot. I guarantee you if you really put your heart into it, God'll come through. He's always faithful to do so.