My Provider.

When it comes to college, I have been extremely stressed out. Not about roommates, classes, or how many mochas I'm going to drink first semester. I've been stressed about money. For whatever reason, I have had trouble letting it go. Any money I get, I hold onto it tightly unless I absolutely have to let it go.

As far as college goes, a majority of my costs are covered. About 70% of my costs are covered through scholarships, grants, and other kinds of aid. That in and of itself is a huge reflection of God's provision, and I'm very thankful for that. Unfortunately, because of the high cost of my school, there's still a significant amount of money that I'm having to take out in loans.

If it weren't for the fact that I know God is calling me down to SoCal, I probably would not be going there. After all, almost any other school I could've gone to would probably have been entirely covered financially. Next-to-no loans. If that were the case, however, I know that I would miss a huge opportunity to grow. In both my faith and in my relationship with God.

"God, if you want me to go to another school, please let me know." That was the prayer I prayed consistently at the beginning of the summer. Sure, I knew that "if it was God's will, He'd fit the bill." But did I truly know it? I'll be honest--I really didn't, and even today it can be hard to believe.

The main reason I stayed in the Tri-Cities and didn't move four hours away with my family was because I had (and have) a job here. After all, it seemed smart to save up as much money as I could for college, right? I was talking with my manager recently, trying to get more hours, but even when she changed my schedule, I still ended up with only 20 hours next week (when it's summer, that's not a whole lot; at least for me anyways).

I was talking to a friend over coffee last night, and in the middle of our conversation, it hit me: God's still, small, quiet voice.

"Gary... let it go." I couldn't help but think, Are you crazy?! I need to work as much as I can! Yet I kept hearing Him say the same thing: "Gary... don't worry about it. I will provide."

Thanks to God, I've actually noticed a change in my heart over the past couple of days: money does not bother me so much anymore. I just quit worrying about it. I won't lie to you; it was one of the hardest things I've had to do. But I know that when you let things go, and do what may not make sense to the world but be obedient to Him, He'll be faithful. Whether I'm obedient or not, He always is. Which gives me all the more reason to trust Him.

A Burning, A Yearning.

Something deep is stirring within my heart. Something deep. It's weird because I've only noticed it for the past couple of days. Maybe it's always been there. Maybe it's been "in the making." I know God's doing something within me, but I'm not entirely sure what. I know it's something new. I know it's something bigger than me.

I'm in a place where I feel extremely drawn to Him, especially when something "of the world" triggers me. Whenever something comes up that could adversely affect me (an attack of the enemy, a negative thought, whatever), I get slammed with the Holy Spirit. I can't help but think of God and how majestic He is. How powerful He is. How incredibly loving He is. He is the most loving, faithful, and caring God.

I pray that each and every one of you are drawn deeper into His presence. There's so much more waiting for you. You can never go "far enough" with God. There will always be room to grow, room to love, and room to be strengthened.

I'm beyond ready to see God move. Out of this overflow of His love, I wanna tell the whole world! I want everyone to know how great He is. How loving He is. How real He is.

He's truly an incredible God.

He truly is.

What You Can Learn From a Buffalo. Yes, a Buffalo.

This upcoming week is probably going to be one of the most difficult weeks I have had in a while. First off, my mom is taking our family dog, Anber-lin, to her new home tomorrow. Unfortunately my family is not able to take her with them when they move, so we had to find a new home for her. The good news is that she'll be living with a great family, and on a farm at that--she'll love her new home, I just know it. We've had her for the entire time we've lived in the Tri-Cities, and she's been with us through everything--my father's death, and so on.When they say dogs are "man's best friend," they weren't kidding. So tomorrow will be kind of rough.

As to the rest of this week, we've got to finish packing and cleaning our house. My mom and little brother are moving back to the Portland-metropolitan area this weekend, but I'm staying here for the rest of summer to work and to enjoy time with my friends before we all take off for college. It's crazy to think that I will be on my own and independent short of one week. It's exciting yet frightening all at the same time.

And then in August, there's the part where I say goodbye to all my friends and we all part our separate ways to go to college, and so on. I tell you all that to say this--all this change is pushing me out of my comfort zone. Everything's been "taken out from under me," so to speak, and it's put me in a place where I have no choice but to trust God. As I told my mom the other night, "God is literally the only constant in my life." How true is that? Everything can change around you, people can come and go, you can move however far away, and the only One who will never leave you is God. With that in mind, I'm very grateful for this season. I'm growing closer to Him, learning how to make Him my Rock and my Constant, and I can already anticipate how much growth is going to come in the next couple of months.

There's one more thought I'd like to share--something a missionary friend (and adopted aunt) told me the other day when we met for coffee. She said something like this: "It's amazing what you can learn from buffalo. When a storm comes, rather than running away from the storm, they head right into it. Why? Because they get through it quicker, rather than prolonging the storm if they were to run away from it." Isn't that an awesome thought? Take on your storms, don't run away from them. That's definitely encouraged me. So, with all the change coming up in the next week, and in the next month too--I'm going to run head-on into my "storm." Not just so I'll get through it faster, but so I can grow and thrive from it.

Am I ready for change? Not really, but God will get me through it. He always does.