An Incredible Year Has Come to An End...

2011.

What an incredible year. God has changed me in tremendous ways, I can hardly begin to count all of the things that He has done.

At the beginning of the year, He called me into a season of healing. Unfortunately, I'd allowed things to distract me from going into this season. It took going into some brokenness for Him to get my attention again, but He was faithful, and I entered a season of growth that I never could have seen coming.

It was not until this year that I finally began to see myself as the man that God created me to be. I began to see myself as an "overcomer," one who walks in victory and freedom. Old mindsets of mine have radically changed and I'm so glad that they did.

Around the beginning of the summer, He told me that I was going into a season of "basic faith". This did not mean that I was going to regress back to where I had previously been spiritually; it meant that I was going to go back to the foundations of my faith. I experienced a decent amount of growth over the summer, but that was nothing in comparison to what I would experience in the fall, coinciding with the beginning of my college career.

In the few short months I spent at APU for my first semester of college, my faith was beaten to the ground. It got to a point where worshiping in church became awkward; I'd felt as if I did not believe in God and I didn't belong there. If it weren't for His grace, I would have certainly given up on Him.

Alas, I came out of that season with a faith much stronger than any faith I'd had before. My faith is much more grounded now than it was four months ago, and I'm so glad that God led me through the storm that He did. It's amazing how He can use things like that to shape us and make us stronger.

I'm lookin' forward to another year to see God move in mighty ways.
More chances for my faith to grow.
More opportunities to spread His love.
And another year to grow closer to Him and become more like Him.

2012... bring it on.

17 hours 'til departure.

In 17 (and a half) hours, I will be leaving Los Angeles for Mexicali, Mexico. Not only am I leaving the United States for the first time (and going to Mexico for the first time), but I am embarking on my first missions trip ever. I'm a little anxious and nervous, yet excited at the same time. I'm heading into the unknown, and I have no idea what to expect there. It's probably a good thing I don't have any expectations though. It'll leave plenty of room for God to do whatever He wants in and through me.

Unfortunately, I have been pretty sick with some sort of flu virus for the past few weeks. Fortunately, I'm doing a lot better now than I have been. It makes me somewhat nervous that I'll be in another country in less-than-comforting conditions when I've been fighting sickness, but there's that part of me that won't worry about it. Why? Cause I know God will come through. He always does. And I figure it's pretty good to be in that place going into a missions trip. That place where you have to depend on God.

It wasn't until this summer that God called me to "go to the nations". Basically, He called me into mission work. Ironically, as I said before, I've never been on a missions trip before. And then, a few weeks ago at a choir performance, I discovered that I have a passion to work with youth. "Funny" enough, my team will be at a local church and putting on a VBS there. So in some ways, I guess I do have some expectations for this trip. I'm hoping that God will make some things clear as far as my future goes. We'll see.

Mexico... here I come!

Salvation

Sometimes I wonder what it means to "be saved." To acquire "salvation." It's funny, cause it almost makes it sound like we have the ability to obtain it. Which, in a sense, we do. We have to choose it. But after that... it's God that saves us. If it weren't for Him, we wouldn't even have the choice to choose it.

Talking about "being saved" could easily sound condescending to those that don't know God, whether they willingly choose not to believe in Him or maybe they have never heard of Him at all. The funny thing is, us "Christians" aren't any better than those people. In fact, we're almost in a worse situation. I say "worse" in the sense that we (Christians) are aware of our problems--it's probably the most significant difference between those that believe in God and those who do not.

In some ways, it's been hard growing up in a Christian home. I've almost grown up in this "church bubble"--always knowing what I believed, knowing that there was something bigger out there. It wasn't until I got to college that I realized that it was time to take ownership of my faith. I will not lie to you--it has been an extremely rocky ride. Most of the time I feel like an "outsider," like one who does not believe in God. And I can sympathize with those who don't. Some of the stuff we do in Church--it can seem kind of crazy. Maybe it's time we put away all of our "Christianese" and quit taking pride in our churchly ways. I don't think it draws people close to God; if anything, it probably pushes them away.

Our words, our actions don't save people; God does. Let's be real with people, show them that we're human like they are. After all, that's what we all are: human.

Whatever salvation means to you, remember that it's found in seeking God and believe in who He is. The biggest difference between you and the person who doesn't believe, is that you have hope. Let that hope shine. Let that love shine. I believe that this is what Christianity comes down to. When one isn't sure whether God exists or not, it's the love that shines through. It's doing things that don't make sense. Loving those who don't share your beliefs. Helping the prostitutes, the drug addicts, the thiefs--not throwing all these Christian words at them, but loving on them. There are plenty of "good people" in the world, and if Christians look exactly like these "good people," then something must be wrong. Christians aren't just "good people." They weren't created to be just "good people."

Was Christ good, or was he crazy? What made Him stand out from the crowd?

Maybe it's time we quit being so "good," and start being a little crazy.

Grace

Apart from God, I am not worthy.
Apart from God, I am shameful. I am condemned.
Without God, I have no hope. I have no chance at redemption.
I have no chance at a pure or holy life.
Without God, life has no meaning.

If not for God, whom shall I live for? The world does not satisfy.

There has to be more than this.
I will not stand to stay where I'm at.
I won't succumb to my fleshly desires any longer. They fail me.

The world fails me. People fail me. My own efforts... they fail me.
There is only One who does not fail.
His name...

His name, is God.
His name is Yahweh.
He is the King of Kings.
He is my Father.

By God's grace, I am worthy.
By God's grace, I have no shame.
By God's grace, I have new life. No more damnation.

God gives me hope. God redeems me.
God shows me how to live a holy and a pure life. He shows me how to live for Him.
God gives my life meaning. Purpose.

This is my God.
He is a God of grace.

Finding God in a Godless world.

There are so many things stirring in my heart, I hardly know where to begin. I'll go back to the beginning of summer.

I don't know about you, but my relationship with God goes through different seasons. At the beginning of this last summer, He told me that He was going to take me back to a "basic faith." Not that He would take me back to where I was, but He was taking me into something even better. If only I had known what that would entail--but it was probably good that I didn't.

As time went on, I began to come to a point where it was the "simple truths" that had the most value--God's love, man's failures redeemed through Christ's sacrifice, John 3:16--you know. The "simple stuff." And then I came to college. In my Bible class, I began to learn things that shook my faith. Things that I had grown up believing to be true were not as true as I thought they had been. The foundation I had built my faith on was being penetrated, and it wasn't the most comfortable thing to go through.

I began asking myself questions that "baby Christians" or those who are seeking God (but do not yet know Him) ask. What's the point of all this? Are we crazy? If God's as real as Jesus claimed to be, why does the world seem so Godless? How can God be real, yet we live in a world where God seems nowhere to be found? Many times I've found myself feeling like an outsider in church, chapel--whenever I'm gathered with a myriad of people who believe in God. It's almost as if I could see the church from an outsider's perspective.

After talking with a close friend of mine tonight (and hearing some of my professors' lectures), I came to realize a few things:

1. Faith without doubt would not be called "faith." Doubt, and asking questions, is normal to the Christian faith. Doubting is normal.

2. Amidst the doubt, we can always hold onto our hope in Jesus Christ. After all, we do hope for the things unseen. The things we're unsure about. It's Jesus Christ that we hold onto. He is our foundation.

3. It's easy for us to ask God why He allows pain and evil into the world, but He could easily ask us the same exact question. "My son, why is there pain and suffering in the world?" More than anything, I believe that this is a call for us to take seriously. We've got a big task ahead of us--bringing the light and truth to a broken and fallen world. But what a joy that is! What an honor that is! That God would choose us. Choose us, the most broken and messed up people around--to fulfill His purposes and build His kingdom. Isn't that crazy?!

Christianity is the only religion with a God who died for His people--who willingly suffered with them, because His love for them was so great. That truth in and of itself is insane! It should blow your mind!

Wherever you're at, be encouraged. God has you there for a reason. You can bring Him glory in all that you do--studying, running, serving the poor--nothing's off limits when it comes to bringing God glory.

Let's be a people that go out and change the world! As cliche as it sounds, it's a valid passion. I know for me personally, I don't want to sit around my entire life and waste it away pursuing wealth, success, whatever--none of that will satisfy. Even if there isn't life after death, even if this was our only life to live, I wouldn't want to sit around and waste it fulfilling my own desires.

It's time to pursue something bigger.

It's time to pursue God, and discover the calling that He has on our lives.

It's time.

The Lost Are Found.

My heart is completely and utterly overwhelmed by God. For the longest time, I was afraid and prejudice against the people that were going through what I'd gone through. "I can't help them," I would tell God. In fact, I was set entirely against it. I wouldn't do it, and nothing could make me. I recently heard from a pastor that God takes the most shameful parts of our lives and makes them the greatest platforms for our ministry. Long story short, we end up helping those that are presently where we once were. And to be honest, that can be scary. Whatever you went through--abuse, neglect, depression, the death of someone close--the negative emotions may come back to you when you think about what you went through. The good news is that God's bigger than that. He's faithful to heal and bring restoration--new life. We don't have to be afraid to minister to the broken; to love them and show them how God really feels about them. Why? Because God is with us. My favorite song at the moment is "God Is Able" from Hillsong's latest CD, God Is Able.

God is able / He will never fail / He is Almighty God

Greater than all we seek / Greater than all we ask

He has done great things

Lifted up / Defeated the grave / Raised to life

Our God is able!

In His name we overcome

For the Lord, our God is able!

Did you catch that? Our God is able! God can do anything! He can set you free from your sin! He can restore that broken relationship! He can lead you on the most exciting journey you'll ever live!

It won't be easy--no one ever said it would be. And if they did, they are wrong.

But it doesn't matter that it's going to be difficult, because

Our God is ABLE.

My Provider.

When it comes to college, I have been extremely stressed out. Not about roommates, classes, or how many mochas I'm going to drink first semester. I've been stressed about money. For whatever reason, I have had trouble letting it go. Any money I get, I hold onto it tightly unless I absolutely have to let it go.

As far as college goes, a majority of my costs are covered. About 70% of my costs are covered through scholarships, grants, and other kinds of aid. That in and of itself is a huge reflection of God's provision, and I'm very thankful for that. Unfortunately, because of the high cost of my school, there's still a significant amount of money that I'm having to take out in loans.

If it weren't for the fact that I know God is calling me down to SoCal, I probably would not be going there. After all, almost any other school I could've gone to would probably have been entirely covered financially. Next-to-no loans. If that were the case, however, I know that I would miss a huge opportunity to grow. In both my faith and in my relationship with God.

"God, if you want me to go to another school, please let me know." That was the prayer I prayed consistently at the beginning of the summer. Sure, I knew that "if it was God's will, He'd fit the bill." But did I truly know it? I'll be honest--I really didn't, and even today it can be hard to believe.

The main reason I stayed in the Tri-Cities and didn't move four hours away with my family was because I had (and have) a job here. After all, it seemed smart to save up as much money as I could for college, right? I was talking with my manager recently, trying to get more hours, but even when she changed my schedule, I still ended up with only 20 hours next week (when it's summer, that's not a whole lot; at least for me anyways).

I was talking to a friend over coffee last night, and in the middle of our conversation, it hit me: God's still, small, quiet voice.

"Gary... let it go." I couldn't help but think, Are you crazy?! I need to work as much as I can! Yet I kept hearing Him say the same thing: "Gary... don't worry about it. I will provide."

Thanks to God, I've actually noticed a change in my heart over the past couple of days: money does not bother me so much anymore. I just quit worrying about it. I won't lie to you; it was one of the hardest things I've had to do. But I know that when you let things go, and do what may not make sense to the world but be obedient to Him, He'll be faithful. Whether I'm obedient or not, He always is. Which gives me all the more reason to trust Him.