Bare.

I've been thinking a lot lately. About my faith, about who I am, about who God is, the truth of His Word... and much more. It's an interesting place to be in. A month or so ago, God told me that I was going into a season of "simple faith." This didn't mean that He was taking me back to where I used to be, it just meant that He was taking me to a place where my faith would be solidified on the "simple" truths: for example, that God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16). Grace, mercy... love. These "basic" concepts.

I'm at a place in my life where I want to be bare with God. Think about it. When God created Adam and Eve, they were naked. No shame, no guilt, no self-consciousness. Their focus was on God and that's all that mattered. It was only when they took their eyes off of Him that they realized they were naked, became ashamed of it, and covered themselves. When I say I want to be "bare" with God, I don't mean I want to walk around naked from now on. What I mean is that I don't want to hide myself. I'm tired of that part of me that points out all the flaws and all the failures. All of the ways that I'm not perfect. All of the ways that I may not be like "everyone else." Truth is, we all have flaws. We've all got things that we deal with. Whether those flaws be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual, we all have them. Why should we be ashamed? After all, we're human. I'm not saying that sin is justified, 'cause it's not. It's time we take ownership for what we've done, take ownership for our imperfections, and lay them before God. Be "bare" before Him, and before everyone else. Why? Because it makes us trust in Him. When we're bare, we have to rely on Him. Only He can protect us at that point.

It's time we quit living in a false world (whether in sin or in "perfection" or self-righteousness) and come to terms with reality. The true reality. Not that you'll only look beautiful if you have a size zero waist, or that you're only a "real man" if you like to kill things and don't show emotion. Those things are lies. Let's become a people that quit believing in those things. Let's be a people who love unconditionally. God does... so why don't we?

It's time for us to be bare before God.

It's time to be bare before this world.

"What It Means to Overcome"

For my family and friends who weren't able to make it to my school's baccalaureate last week on May 31st, here's the speech I gave:

What does it mean to “overcome?” I mean, seriously. Many may think of it as conquering obstacles or being bigger than your problems. Getting over a break-up. Moving forward after a parents’ divorce. Quitting smoking. I would certainly agree that all of these things are various forms of overcoming. But for me, it takes on a much deeper meaning. Overcoming isn’t an action; it’s a lifestyle. Growing up, like any other kid, I had a number of problems and issues that I faced. From fighting with my parents to a low self-esteem, the list seemed to go on and on. The biggest obstacle through middle school and early high school was condemnation. When I didn’t meet what I perceived to be my parents’ expectations of me, in my mind—I failed. And it was all my fault. When I didn’t do something right, when I messed up—an insurmountable wall of condemnation, guilt, and shame overtook me. I had no worth. I was no good… to anyone. These were the thoughts that ran through my mind. On numerous occasions I wished that God had made me someone else. “You must have made a mistake,” I would tell Him. If only I’d known what He must have been thinking at that time: that nothing could be further from the truth. I went through a short period of depression, even where suicidal thoughts came to my mind. Fortunately for me, and for everyone else, I never had an ounce of courage to try anything. After years of condemnation, family issues, being made fun of, and much more, I made it through. I know for a fact that it wasn’t because of anything I had done; it was God’s hand on my life that got me through.

In the spring of my eighth grade year, I received the news that would have a tremendous impact on my life: my family was moving to the Tri-Cities. At the time, moving became the biggest challenge in my life: to leave behind all my friends, all my family, everything I had ever known for something new... it was tough. I completely hated the idea. I had no idea what God had in store for me, and with the little faith I had I trusted that He had a plan and that He was in control. For the first year that I lived here, I hated it. Going back to Portland was still going home for me. The summer before my sophomore year, some family-friends of ours moved to Richland from Vancouver. “Coincidentally,” my friends’ mom had heard about a church—Columbia Foursquare Church—from her realtor. I had heard about the youth group, Breakthrough, from my friend Jennae, but had never really gotten the chance to go until my sophomore year. At this point in my life, I still had most if not all the issues I’d been dealing with for several years; not much had changed. When I went to Breakthrough for the first time, a leader and now my good friend Robby approached me before I’d even walked in the door, and from then on he helped me in my walk with God. God brought tremendous growth in me while Robby was my leader, and in no time, I finally overcame condemnation. My eyes were opened to the truth about who God really was—and is: an all-powerful, loving God. He didn’t want me to follow a bunch of rules; He wanted me to be my best. He wanted a relationship with me. This meant and still means more to me than I could ever explain. Piece-by-piece, God began working in me, and radically changed me. If only I had known what the next couple of years were to bring.

February 2^nd, 2009 was a day like any other. We were building rollercoasters in physics, working on valograms in choir, and school was, well… it was school. I’ll never forget how bright and sunny it was that day. I got home from school, took a nap, worked on homework, and mom was making Sloppy Joe’s for dinner. No one had heard from my dad in a while, but I convinced myself that everything was alright and that he would be home in no time. I was talking with a friend on the phone when I happened to glance out the front window in the living room and noticed a cop car parked across the street. Two policemen were walking towards the front door, and it was in this moment that I began to panic. Without saying goodbye I hung up on my friend, set my phone down, and opened the door. “Is your mom here?” one of the officers asked me. I had barely called for my mom when she came down the hallway and reached the front door. Mom went outside to talk with the officers, and I frantically began calling and texting everyone I could think of. “I don’t know what’s going on,” I said, starting to lose it. In a minute or two I heard the worst sound I’ve ever heard in my entire life: my mom wailing from the front porch. The most sickening feeling I have ever felt washed over me. Still in confusion and shock, my prayers came out as me saying: “God, I love You, God, I love You,” over and over again. It’s the only thing I could manage to get myself to pray.

If I were given the chance to take back my father’s death—make it so it never happened, I’m not sure that I would. Do I want to have my dad back? Sure I do; there’s no doubt about that. But to look back and see how much I’ve grown from it, how much stronger I’ve become…you don’t see that kind of growth by any other means. When it comes to the healing and grieving process, I can’t say I’ve done much; if anything, I’ve given God a chance and let Him take control of the situation; of my life. By His grace, there was enough faith grounded in me to where my father’s death brought me closer to Him, not away from Him. I have never been sure why things turned out that way; but I guess that’s a question for God to answer, eh? All that matters is that it was in God’s plan for me to respond the way I did, not just for my own benefit but for the benefit of others as well. Isn’t that what life is about? I don’t think we are blessed or grow stronger for only our own benefit; it’s just as important for everyone else. Our impact on others can be profound, and when we realize that, our outlook on life changes.

I could tell you even more about the things I used to struggle with; self-image, lack of confidence, trying to find fulfillment in things other than God—friends, money… even myself. If only I were perfect, if only I had everything together, then I would be okay. What I’ve come to realize, especially over the past several months, is that living a joyful life, a good life, doesn’t come from having it all together. It doesn’t matter how many friends you have, how great your friends are, how much money you have, how much stuff you have… fulfillment, at least for me, comes from knowing that my God cares about me. He loves me, He wants the best for me, and He has a plan for my life that I can hardly even begin to fathom. No longer do I view myself through the mess-ups, the failures, or the hardships—those things do not define me. I saw “Kung Fu Panda 2” on Friday night, and yes—I am going to quote a line from the movie. When talking to the soothsayer, Po begins to realize where his identity comes from—where it’s always been meant to come from. The soothsayer tells him, “It’s not your past that defines who you are; it’s your future and who you choose to be.” If you’ve been defining yourself by what you’ve been through, by how many times you’ve screwed up, then you’ve been defining yourself the wrong way. We were never created to be defined this way. God didn’t create Adam and Eve and think, “Man, once they mess up—that’s all they’ll ever be!” Christ’s coming back and dying on the cross to save mankind, to save us from ourselves, redeemed us—it gave a choice to choose who we want to be. So… who are you going to be? After you graduate, this summer, when you go to college—how are you going to define yourself? Are you going to be one defined by your past failures, or are you going to be defined as one who has overcome?

The choice is yours. But I can tell you from my own experience, that God is faithful in every situation. When you let Him take control of your life, He’ll take you to unimaginable places—He’ll take you on the craziest, most exciting journey you could ever live. Such is the life of one who has overcome. Not by their own strength, but by “Him who strengthens me.”

Let's Celebrate!

I don't know about you, but I love reminiscing. It's fun to see where I've come from, and how much I have changed over the past several years. The growth has been tremendous, and I'm forever grateful to God for putting me in a place (literally) where that could happen.

In preparation for my family's big move as well as me going to college in the fall, I've been going through all of my stuff--keepsake boxes, books, closet, etc. As I was going through my stuff I found a few letters that I had written--they're more like journal entries I guess--revealing a lot of who I used to be and what my outlook on life used to be.

Gary Conachan four years ago was very self-conscious. Very timid, shy, wasn't very confident in who he was, and wasn't living the life that he was meant to live. Although I might have looked happy on the outside, deep down there was an ache and a hunger for something more--something to bring true fulfillment. Unfortunately I didn't realize the significance of a relationship with God until about two and a half years ago. That's when God became very real to me--since then, my relationship with Him has been progressive. Always moving forward, always things happening.

Looking at who I am today, I am confident in who I am, truly happy with who I am and who God made me to be, and I'm living in freedom for the first time in my life. For the longest time I lived a life of guilt, condemnation, low self-esteem--and all of that is gone. God has truly taken a broken man, a sinner--and restored me to new life. I am now living the life that I know God intended me to live all along, and it's great.

Do I still fall? Sure I do. Nobody's perfect. We still go through rough patches. But what's different about me now as compared to four years ago is I get back up. I keep on fighting, trusting in God and staying strong. I know who I am: I am a son of the Most High God, and I am defined by what I've overcome, not by what I've done. And I know that that is truly who I was meant to be all along--and the same goes for you too.

God wants so much more for us than we allow ourselves. He wants us to have that joy, to have that freedom, to live the life that we were meant to live. Living the life that God intended me to live is much better than anything else the world has to offer. Anyone saying that they don't need God is really missing out. Sure, everything may be fine in your life, but are you truly happy? And you truly satisfied with where you're going in life, and what you're living for?

If you haven't given God a chance, or if you've merely given Him a thought but second-guessed yourself, all I can say is: Give Him a shot. You won't regret your decision, and tremendous things will happen in your life. Jesus Christ is the same today, yesterday, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). If He's transformed so many other people's lives before you, why wouldn't He want to transform yours as well?

It's up to you; the decision is yours. But all I can do is testify to His goodness, and the impact that He's had on my life; the same impact that He can have on yours.

I Refuse

There's a great song I've been hearing on K-Love a lot recently, and I ended up buying the song on iTunes last night. Here are the lyrics:

Sometimes I, I just want to close my eyes
And act like everyone's alright
When I know they're not
This world needs God, but it's easier to stand and watch
I could pray a prayer and just move on
Like nothing's wrong

But I refuse

I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
I could choose not to move
But I refuse

I can hear the least of these, crying out so desperately
And I know we are the hands and feet of You, Oh God
So if You say move, it's time for me to follow through
And do what I was made to do
And show them who You are

[chorus]

I refuse to stand and watch the weary and lost cry out for help
I refuse to try and turn my back and act like all is well
I refuse to stay unchanged, to wait another day to die to myself
I refuse to make one more excuse

[chorus]


I love the lyrics to this song, because not only have these desires rung true in my own life lately, but I think it's an anthem that rings true for this generation. We want purpose. We want to do something with our lives. We're sick and tired of letting life pass us by and not doing anything.

I know for me personally, I want to be one of those people who "change the world." As cliche as that may sound, it's true. One person can make a difference, and my hope is that this generation would get out there, find their purpose, and start doing something. No more sitting around and waiting for someone else to make a change. It's time for us to get up, get out there, and go change our world.

Great Expectations.

I've come to realize something significant lately. And that's how God doesn't have any expectations of us--and please know my heart when I say that. Sure, God calls us to a standard and has desires to see us succeed, but I don't think He comes to us and says, "Gary, you need to do this, and that, and this... and if you don't, then you fail." More than anything He loves us, and whether we screw up or not, He could care less.

We were made to succeed.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD. "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV).

I know in my own life, I have always struggled with expectations--I put expectations on myself that are so high that there is no way I can meet them. And since I don't meet those expectations, unreasonable or not, I fail. I set myself up to fail. It's almost as if in my mind, I make myself God and say, "Gary, you need to do this, and that, and this..." It essentially becomes idolatry.

When are we going to get to the point we we tell ourselves, "I am good enough. God says I'm good enough, and that is enough. I don't have to work for my salvation, for love, for acceptance, for whatever--God's already given me everything, and I can't earn any of it"? There's a reason that they say salvation, joy, peace, and so on, are gifts from God. He gave them to us. If God says we're enough and that we are complete, then why don't we believe in Him? Why is it that we take other's words for who they say we are, but ignore what God says about us?

It's amazing, isn't it? This is the human struggle. Every day is a struggle, every day is a fight. The enemy's out to win over our soul, but God's even stronger. It's time that we find ourselves complete in God. It's time we quit suffocating ourselves with false expectations, and time for us to focus on God and God alone.


"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26, NIV).

Prophecies Come to Pass

The more I've been thinking about it lately, the more I have come to realize how serious God is when He makes promises. Or prophecies. Or whatever you may want to call them. Here is a little testimony of how this rings true in my own life.

Last summer, I took part in the summer internship at my church, which was a great experience. It was a season of my life where God drew me closer to Him, and I really saw Him build me up and strengthen me for what was to come. Or in other words, for senior year. Looking back on that season in my life, I'm glad He did that. Cause I don't know if I could have made it otherwise.

There came a point where He gave me a few promises/prophecies:

1. During this school year, God would reveal His love through people and situations. That I would grow closer with those who are already there, but also that new friendships would arise.

2. The winter would be a very difficult time for me. But that if I held onto Him, His word, and those He'd surrounded me with, I would be just fine.

3. A revolution is coming. Many are going to be saved at my school, and find God.

The first prophecy has come to pass. I've grown a lot closer to a lot of people I didn't think I would have even six months ago. My friendships with others have developed, and I've made a lot (and I mean a lot) of new friends too. This has been a huge blessing in my life, simply by the fact that God is revealing His love to me through other people, and using others to work through my heart and make me more complete.

The second prophecy has also come to pass. The past few months have been some of the hardest months I have ever gone through. I can definitely say that they have been some of the darkest months I have seen in a very long time. But God's been faithful as He said He would be, and He's carried me through these times. He's allowed me to be broken so that I could be made whole, and even better than I have ever been before. And it's true. Even today, I feel that I have come a very long way from where I was even a few months ago. I've grown tremendously, and it's been yet another blessing to see God move so much in my life.

The third prophecy has yet to pass, but I have faith that it will. Are there doubts? Sure there are. Sometimes I look at the situation with a practical mindset and think to myself, God, how in the world are You going to work this out? But He will. He's made everything work out thus far, so I can stand firm in my faith, knowing that His will will come to pass.

I am ready. Me and many others are ready. There's an army of men and women of God rising up at my school, in my city, in the Tri-Cities. I'm ready for whatever God may have for me, for others, and for His glory. I'm excited for what's to come, and I'm forever blessed and humbled that God would use someone as inadequate and broken as I for His kingdom and His glory. Here it comes. The rainstorm is coming, and you better be sure to grab your umbrellas.


Okay... so that last part was a little corny. But you get my point. :)

To Hell & Back

I'm not going to lie... the past couple of weeks of my life have been pretty crazy. And I'm not just talking about the busyness of my life. I'm talking spiritually and emotionally.

I've been in a place where I've let the enemy beat me up. I don't even bother trying to fight back. I just sit there and take the punches. Let him beat me to a pulp. Clearly, in our walk with Christ, there's a lot more to it than just sitting and getting beaten up.

It took prayer during lunch today for things to start realigning. Getting back to how they should be. I'm beginning to get back into that place where I have victory, where I walk in that victory, and I'm beginning to see God move in my life again. I love being in this place.

It's amazing how we can hold onto pain, to grief, to emotions, and make them a part of who we are. Even though it hurts, and we don't like being in that place, it's almost as if we do like to be in that place. We try to justify our ignorance and rebellion against God. "My father died, so I have a reason to be depressed," some of us might say. It's true that our feelings are valid, and in many instances, it's not wrong to feel the way we do. But as we grow in maturity and grow closer to Christ, we get more responsibility. Is this to be a burden? Nope. Jesus says in Matthew 11:30 that His "burden is light" and His "yoke is easy." It's such a joy to carry the calling that God's put on our life. When we sit around and do nothing about it, and make His promises the least of our priorities, things may go well for a while, but they won't go well forever. We start getting depressed, angry, frustrated, hurting others, and the list goes on and on. Romans 2:4 says that it's God's goodness--the very being of who He is--which leads us to repentance. It's time we begin to walk in that place of repentance daily--emotions, worries, and everything else set aside. If life was a bunch of ups and downs, no moving forward, and being depressed all the time despite knowing that He is Lord, then we wouldn't have much to live for. It's when our knowing that He is God overrules everything else, that's when we truly live. I once heard it said on a TV show that "Surviving isn't fighting. Thriving is fighting." We're not meant to merely survive, and to get by in life. We're meant to thrive. To grow. To see God move. To see the world changed by Him.

This is what we live for.

This... is what we love for.