The Lost Are Found.

My heart is completely and utterly overwhelmed by God. For the longest time, I was afraid and prejudice against the people that were going through what I'd gone through. "I can't help them," I would tell God. In fact, I was set entirely against it. I wouldn't do it, and nothing could make me. I recently heard from a pastor that God takes the most shameful parts of our lives and makes them the greatest platforms for our ministry. Long story short, we end up helping those that are presently where we once were. And to be honest, that can be scary. Whatever you went through--abuse, neglect, depression, the death of someone close--the negative emotions may come back to you when you think about what you went through. The good news is that God's bigger than that. He's faithful to heal and bring restoration--new life. We don't have to be afraid to minister to the broken; to love them and show them how God really feels about them. Why? Because God is with us. My favorite song at the moment is "God Is Able" from Hillsong's latest CD, God Is Able.

God is able / He will never fail / He is Almighty God

Greater than all we seek / Greater than all we ask

He has done great things

Lifted up / Defeated the grave / Raised to life

Our God is able!

In His name we overcome

For the Lord, our God is able!

Did you catch that? Our God is able! God can do anything! He can set you free from your sin! He can restore that broken relationship! He can lead you on the most exciting journey you'll ever live!

It won't be easy--no one ever said it would be. And if they did, they are wrong.

But it doesn't matter that it's going to be difficult, because

Our God is ABLE.

My Provider.

When it comes to college, I have been extremely stressed out. Not about roommates, classes, or how many mochas I'm going to drink first semester. I've been stressed about money. For whatever reason, I have had trouble letting it go. Any money I get, I hold onto it tightly unless I absolutely have to let it go.

As far as college goes, a majority of my costs are covered. About 70% of my costs are covered through scholarships, grants, and other kinds of aid. That in and of itself is a huge reflection of God's provision, and I'm very thankful for that. Unfortunately, because of the high cost of my school, there's still a significant amount of money that I'm having to take out in loans.

If it weren't for the fact that I know God is calling me down to SoCal, I probably would not be going there. After all, almost any other school I could've gone to would probably have been entirely covered financially. Next-to-no loans. If that were the case, however, I know that I would miss a huge opportunity to grow. In both my faith and in my relationship with God.

"God, if you want me to go to another school, please let me know." That was the prayer I prayed consistently at the beginning of the summer. Sure, I knew that "if it was God's will, He'd fit the bill." But did I truly know it? I'll be honest--I really didn't, and even today it can be hard to believe.

The main reason I stayed in the Tri-Cities and didn't move four hours away with my family was because I had (and have) a job here. After all, it seemed smart to save up as much money as I could for college, right? I was talking with my manager recently, trying to get more hours, but even when she changed my schedule, I still ended up with only 20 hours next week (when it's summer, that's not a whole lot; at least for me anyways).

I was talking to a friend over coffee last night, and in the middle of our conversation, it hit me: God's still, small, quiet voice.

"Gary... let it go." I couldn't help but think, Are you crazy?! I need to work as much as I can! Yet I kept hearing Him say the same thing: "Gary... don't worry about it. I will provide."

Thanks to God, I've actually noticed a change in my heart over the past couple of days: money does not bother me so much anymore. I just quit worrying about it. I won't lie to you; it was one of the hardest things I've had to do. But I know that when you let things go, and do what may not make sense to the world but be obedient to Him, He'll be faithful. Whether I'm obedient or not, He always is. Which gives me all the more reason to trust Him.

A Burning, A Yearning.

Something deep is stirring within my heart. Something deep. It's weird because I've only noticed it for the past couple of days. Maybe it's always been there. Maybe it's been "in the making." I know God's doing something within me, but I'm not entirely sure what. I know it's something new. I know it's something bigger than me.

I'm in a place where I feel extremely drawn to Him, especially when something "of the world" triggers me. Whenever something comes up that could adversely affect me (an attack of the enemy, a negative thought, whatever), I get slammed with the Holy Spirit. I can't help but think of God and how majestic He is. How powerful He is. How incredibly loving He is. He is the most loving, faithful, and caring God.

I pray that each and every one of you are drawn deeper into His presence. There's so much more waiting for you. You can never go "far enough" with God. There will always be room to grow, room to love, and room to be strengthened.

I'm beyond ready to see God move. Out of this overflow of His love, I wanna tell the whole world! I want everyone to know how great He is. How loving He is. How real He is.

He's truly an incredible God.

He truly is.

What You Can Learn From a Buffalo. Yes, a Buffalo.

This upcoming week is probably going to be one of the most difficult weeks I have had in a while. First off, my mom is taking our family dog, Anber-lin, to her new home tomorrow. Unfortunately my family is not able to take her with them when they move, so we had to find a new home for her. The good news is that she'll be living with a great family, and on a farm at that--she'll love her new home, I just know it. We've had her for the entire time we've lived in the Tri-Cities, and she's been with us through everything--my father's death, and so on.When they say dogs are "man's best friend," they weren't kidding. So tomorrow will be kind of rough.

As to the rest of this week, we've got to finish packing and cleaning our house. My mom and little brother are moving back to the Portland-metropolitan area this weekend, but I'm staying here for the rest of summer to work and to enjoy time with my friends before we all take off for college. It's crazy to think that I will be on my own and independent short of one week. It's exciting yet frightening all at the same time.

And then in August, there's the part where I say goodbye to all my friends and we all part our separate ways to go to college, and so on. I tell you all that to say this--all this change is pushing me out of my comfort zone. Everything's been "taken out from under me," so to speak, and it's put me in a place where I have no choice but to trust God. As I told my mom the other night, "God is literally the only constant in my life." How true is that? Everything can change around you, people can come and go, you can move however far away, and the only One who will never leave you is God. With that in mind, I'm very grateful for this season. I'm growing closer to Him, learning how to make Him my Rock and my Constant, and I can already anticipate how much growth is going to come in the next couple of months.

There's one more thought I'd like to share--something a missionary friend (and adopted aunt) told me the other day when we met for coffee. She said something like this: "It's amazing what you can learn from buffalo. When a storm comes, rather than running away from the storm, they head right into it. Why? Because they get through it quicker, rather than prolonging the storm if they were to run away from it." Isn't that an awesome thought? Take on your storms, don't run away from them. That's definitely encouraged me. So, with all the change coming up in the next week, and in the next month too--I'm going to run head-on into my "storm." Not just so I'll get through it faster, but so I can grow and thrive from it.

Am I ready for change? Not really, but God will get me through it. He always does.

Bare.

I've been thinking a lot lately. About my faith, about who I am, about who God is, the truth of His Word... and much more. It's an interesting place to be in. A month or so ago, God told me that I was going into a season of "simple faith." This didn't mean that He was taking me back to where I used to be, it just meant that He was taking me to a place where my faith would be solidified on the "simple" truths: for example, that God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16). Grace, mercy... love. These "basic" concepts.

I'm at a place in my life where I want to be bare with God. Think about it. When God created Adam and Eve, they were naked. No shame, no guilt, no self-consciousness. Their focus was on God and that's all that mattered. It was only when they took their eyes off of Him that they realized they were naked, became ashamed of it, and covered themselves. When I say I want to be "bare" with God, I don't mean I want to walk around naked from now on. What I mean is that I don't want to hide myself. I'm tired of that part of me that points out all the flaws and all the failures. All of the ways that I'm not perfect. All of the ways that I may not be like "everyone else." Truth is, we all have flaws. We've all got things that we deal with. Whether those flaws be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual, we all have them. Why should we be ashamed? After all, we're human. I'm not saying that sin is justified, 'cause it's not. It's time we take ownership for what we've done, take ownership for our imperfections, and lay them before God. Be "bare" before Him, and before everyone else. Why? Because it makes us trust in Him. When we're bare, we have to rely on Him. Only He can protect us at that point.

It's time we quit living in a false world (whether in sin or in "perfection" or self-righteousness) and come to terms with reality. The true reality. Not that you'll only look beautiful if you have a size zero waist, or that you're only a "real man" if you like to kill things and don't show emotion. Those things are lies. Let's become a people that quit believing in those things. Let's be a people who love unconditionally. God does... so why don't we?

It's time for us to be bare before God.

It's time to be bare before this world.

"What It Means to Overcome"

For my family and friends who weren't able to make it to my school's baccalaureate last week on May 31st, here's the speech I gave:

What does it mean to “overcome?” I mean, seriously. Many may think of it as conquering obstacles or being bigger than your problems. Getting over a break-up. Moving forward after a parents’ divorce. Quitting smoking. I would certainly agree that all of these things are various forms of overcoming. But for me, it takes on a much deeper meaning. Overcoming isn’t an action; it’s a lifestyle. Growing up, like any other kid, I had a number of problems and issues that I faced. From fighting with my parents to a low self-esteem, the list seemed to go on and on. The biggest obstacle through middle school and early high school was condemnation. When I didn’t meet what I perceived to be my parents’ expectations of me, in my mind—I failed. And it was all my fault. When I didn’t do something right, when I messed up—an insurmountable wall of condemnation, guilt, and shame overtook me. I had no worth. I was no good… to anyone. These were the thoughts that ran through my mind. On numerous occasions I wished that God had made me someone else. “You must have made a mistake,” I would tell Him. If only I’d known what He must have been thinking at that time: that nothing could be further from the truth. I went through a short period of depression, even where suicidal thoughts came to my mind. Fortunately for me, and for everyone else, I never had an ounce of courage to try anything. After years of condemnation, family issues, being made fun of, and much more, I made it through. I know for a fact that it wasn’t because of anything I had done; it was God’s hand on my life that got me through.

In the spring of my eighth grade year, I received the news that would have a tremendous impact on my life: my family was moving to the Tri-Cities. At the time, moving became the biggest challenge in my life: to leave behind all my friends, all my family, everything I had ever known for something new... it was tough. I completely hated the idea. I had no idea what God had in store for me, and with the little faith I had I trusted that He had a plan and that He was in control. For the first year that I lived here, I hated it. Going back to Portland was still going home for me. The summer before my sophomore year, some family-friends of ours moved to Richland from Vancouver. “Coincidentally,” my friends’ mom had heard about a church—Columbia Foursquare Church—from her realtor. I had heard about the youth group, Breakthrough, from my friend Jennae, but had never really gotten the chance to go until my sophomore year. At this point in my life, I still had most if not all the issues I’d been dealing with for several years; not much had changed. When I went to Breakthrough for the first time, a leader and now my good friend Robby approached me before I’d even walked in the door, and from then on he helped me in my walk with God. God brought tremendous growth in me while Robby was my leader, and in no time, I finally overcame condemnation. My eyes were opened to the truth about who God really was—and is: an all-powerful, loving God. He didn’t want me to follow a bunch of rules; He wanted me to be my best. He wanted a relationship with me. This meant and still means more to me than I could ever explain. Piece-by-piece, God began working in me, and radically changed me. If only I had known what the next couple of years were to bring.

February 2^nd, 2009 was a day like any other. We were building rollercoasters in physics, working on valograms in choir, and school was, well… it was school. I’ll never forget how bright and sunny it was that day. I got home from school, took a nap, worked on homework, and mom was making Sloppy Joe’s for dinner. No one had heard from my dad in a while, but I convinced myself that everything was alright and that he would be home in no time. I was talking with a friend on the phone when I happened to glance out the front window in the living room and noticed a cop car parked across the street. Two policemen were walking towards the front door, and it was in this moment that I began to panic. Without saying goodbye I hung up on my friend, set my phone down, and opened the door. “Is your mom here?” one of the officers asked me. I had barely called for my mom when she came down the hallway and reached the front door. Mom went outside to talk with the officers, and I frantically began calling and texting everyone I could think of. “I don’t know what’s going on,” I said, starting to lose it. In a minute or two I heard the worst sound I’ve ever heard in my entire life: my mom wailing from the front porch. The most sickening feeling I have ever felt washed over me. Still in confusion and shock, my prayers came out as me saying: “God, I love You, God, I love You,” over and over again. It’s the only thing I could manage to get myself to pray.

If I were given the chance to take back my father’s death—make it so it never happened, I’m not sure that I would. Do I want to have my dad back? Sure I do; there’s no doubt about that. But to look back and see how much I’ve grown from it, how much stronger I’ve become…you don’t see that kind of growth by any other means. When it comes to the healing and grieving process, I can’t say I’ve done much; if anything, I’ve given God a chance and let Him take control of the situation; of my life. By His grace, there was enough faith grounded in me to where my father’s death brought me closer to Him, not away from Him. I have never been sure why things turned out that way; but I guess that’s a question for God to answer, eh? All that matters is that it was in God’s plan for me to respond the way I did, not just for my own benefit but for the benefit of others as well. Isn’t that what life is about? I don’t think we are blessed or grow stronger for only our own benefit; it’s just as important for everyone else. Our impact on others can be profound, and when we realize that, our outlook on life changes.

I could tell you even more about the things I used to struggle with; self-image, lack of confidence, trying to find fulfillment in things other than God—friends, money… even myself. If only I were perfect, if only I had everything together, then I would be okay. What I’ve come to realize, especially over the past several months, is that living a joyful life, a good life, doesn’t come from having it all together. It doesn’t matter how many friends you have, how great your friends are, how much money you have, how much stuff you have… fulfillment, at least for me, comes from knowing that my God cares about me. He loves me, He wants the best for me, and He has a plan for my life that I can hardly even begin to fathom. No longer do I view myself through the mess-ups, the failures, or the hardships—those things do not define me. I saw “Kung Fu Panda 2” on Friday night, and yes—I am going to quote a line from the movie. When talking to the soothsayer, Po begins to realize where his identity comes from—where it’s always been meant to come from. The soothsayer tells him, “It’s not your past that defines who you are; it’s your future and who you choose to be.” If you’ve been defining yourself by what you’ve been through, by how many times you’ve screwed up, then you’ve been defining yourself the wrong way. We were never created to be defined this way. God didn’t create Adam and Eve and think, “Man, once they mess up—that’s all they’ll ever be!” Christ’s coming back and dying on the cross to save mankind, to save us from ourselves, redeemed us—it gave a choice to choose who we want to be. So… who are you going to be? After you graduate, this summer, when you go to college—how are you going to define yourself? Are you going to be one defined by your past failures, or are you going to be defined as one who has overcome?

The choice is yours. But I can tell you from my own experience, that God is faithful in every situation. When you let Him take control of your life, He’ll take you to unimaginable places—He’ll take you on the craziest, most exciting journey you could ever live. Such is the life of one who has overcome. Not by their own strength, but by “Him who strengthens me.”

Let's Celebrate!

I don't know about you, but I love reminiscing. It's fun to see where I've come from, and how much I have changed over the past several years. The growth has been tremendous, and I'm forever grateful to God for putting me in a place (literally) where that could happen.

In preparation for my family's big move as well as me going to college in the fall, I've been going through all of my stuff--keepsake boxes, books, closet, etc. As I was going through my stuff I found a few letters that I had written--they're more like journal entries I guess--revealing a lot of who I used to be and what my outlook on life used to be.

Gary Conachan four years ago was very self-conscious. Very timid, shy, wasn't very confident in who he was, and wasn't living the life that he was meant to live. Although I might have looked happy on the outside, deep down there was an ache and a hunger for something more--something to bring true fulfillment. Unfortunately I didn't realize the significance of a relationship with God until about two and a half years ago. That's when God became very real to me--since then, my relationship with Him has been progressive. Always moving forward, always things happening.

Looking at who I am today, I am confident in who I am, truly happy with who I am and who God made me to be, and I'm living in freedom for the first time in my life. For the longest time I lived a life of guilt, condemnation, low self-esteem--and all of that is gone. God has truly taken a broken man, a sinner--and restored me to new life. I am now living the life that I know God intended me to live all along, and it's great.

Do I still fall? Sure I do. Nobody's perfect. We still go through rough patches. But what's different about me now as compared to four years ago is I get back up. I keep on fighting, trusting in God and staying strong. I know who I am: I am a son of the Most High God, and I am defined by what I've overcome, not by what I've done. And I know that that is truly who I was meant to be all along--and the same goes for you too.

God wants so much more for us than we allow ourselves. He wants us to have that joy, to have that freedom, to live the life that we were meant to live. Living the life that God intended me to live is much better than anything else the world has to offer. Anyone saying that they don't need God is really missing out. Sure, everything may be fine in your life, but are you truly happy? And you truly satisfied with where you're going in life, and what you're living for?

If you haven't given God a chance, or if you've merely given Him a thought but second-guessed yourself, all I can say is: Give Him a shot. You won't regret your decision, and tremendous things will happen in your life. Jesus Christ is the same today, yesterday, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). If He's transformed so many other people's lives before you, why wouldn't He want to transform yours as well?

It's up to you; the decision is yours. But all I can do is testify to His goodness, and the impact that He's had on my life; the same impact that He can have on yours.