South Africa Study Abroad Application Questions

For your reading pleasure:

Application Questions

1.     How does a study abroad education experience fit into your academic/career goals?

I have known since the age of ten that God put a calling in my heart to go into ministry. It was around the same time that I began to have a heart for the world. I was never really sure how this passion came about; all I know is that it was the beginning of God’s work within me. My passion for the world included a desire to go to Mexico, which finally happened in November 2011 when I went to Mexicali, Mexico with 250 students, faculty, and friends of Azusa Pacific. I spent roughly five days in Mexicali, where we organized and ran a Vacation Bible School for the children at a local church called Manantiel de Vida (River of Life). Spending time with the children and people of Mexico opened my eyes to the poverty and corruption that exists not only in Mexico but also the world as a whole. My heart broke for the people there and all I wanted to do was love on them and show them God’s love. I have no doubt that we did this in the time we spent there. Being in Mexico and enjoying it as much as I did was hardly a surprise to me. It is almost as if I had known all along that I would enjoy it as much as I did. Being out in the world has been and still is where I want to be. Spending three months continuing my education in a place such as South Africa would incredibly benefit my academic and career goals. While in South Africa my eyes would be opened to a culture very different from my own. My eyes would be opened to the needs and issues faced by those halfway around the world.

2.     Why are you interested in studying in this specific location and program?

I am interested in studying in South Africa primarily because I want to experience a new way of living in which I would be fully immersed in the lives of the South African people and culture. I am absolutely fascinated by others’ stories and walks of life. I want to be in a place where I experience first-hand what it is like to live in South Africa on a day-to-day basis. I want to learn how they live, what they do, how they are treated, and what their fears, hopes, and dreams are for their children. I want to learn what difference I can make as I am pursuing God’s calling on my life to serve the poor, the unloved, and the misunderstood. I have heard great things about APU’s South Africa study abroad program and I have no doubt that if I were to go there it would be a phenomenal, life-changing experience. I am ready to go beyond my comfort zone, learn new things, and grow.

3.     How will studying in this location/program influence your involvement in service and ministry opportunities?

One aspect of the South Africa program that I truly admire is the fact that approximately one month of the program is spent doing mission work. This is exactly what I want to be doing when I go into ministry as I strongly feel that the Lord is directing me into the mission field. Being in South Africa will not only give me ideas of what to do in my own future ministry, but it will also give me the connections with people and programs that I will want to continue in the future. I am truly passionate about community service, including providing basic needs to those without them as well as sharing God’s love with the world. Growing up I was involved in many food drives. I also volunteered at the Union Gospel Mission (a homeless shelter in my hometown) on numerous occasions. During my senior year of high school I organized and ran my own clothing drive, which was a huge success. During these experiences I recognized within me a passion to serve others, which is why studying abroad in South Africa would be the perfect fit. It would encourage and boost my passion even further to serve others.

4.     What cross-cultural or personal experiences have helped to prepare you for studying in a challenging, new environment? How?

One of the most prominent cross-cultural experiences I have had was when I went to Mexico in November 2011 for a mission trip with APU. Unsurprisingly, I adapted very well to the Mexican culture. Taking three years of Spanish in high school helped me immensely and I was able to communicate with the youth and Mexican people we worked with. I enjoy working in cross-cultural and new environments. Being in Mexico also challenged me on a spiritual and emotional level. I enjoyed this as I push myself to step out of the box of normal, everyday life and try new things.

Another experience that has prepared me to study in a challenging, new environment has been my job as a cabin counselor for 5^th and 6^th graders at the YMCA Camp Collins in Gresham, Oregon this summer. Going into the position I had never been to the camp before. I also did not know any of the staff who were going to be there. The first week we had at camp was Scholarship Week, which brought in youth from troubled, low-income families. It was undoubtedly one of the most challenging weeks I have ever endured. Leading and encouraging a camper with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and another with Asperger’s along with eight other energetic campers challenged my patience, discipleship skills, and leadership skills. As the weeks have gone by, I have continued to grow in these areas and been reassured that I can handle environments that change quickly. With camp schedules and campers changing week-by-week, I have had to be ready for anything at all times.

The personal experience that has most prominently changed my life was the death of my father in February 2009. I was fifteen years old at the time of his passing. He died in an alcohol-related crash and it is an understatement to say that his death changed my life forever. Being thrust into a new way of living (whether I was ready to or not) has shaped me for the better and made me extremely adaptable to change. Although my family was not specifically prepared for the circumstances that were to befall us, we chose to get up and keep moving forward, one day at a time. It was God who helped us to adapt to the change that befell us. I am forever grateful that we had God to be our rock when we needed Him the most. Especially since my father’s death, I have been a huge support to my mom and younger brother, a responsibility that I have taken seriously yet gladly accepted. My brother, for example, needed a male figure to help guide and direct him through all of the choices he has had to make. Although I attend a college that is thousands of miles away from home, I am still very intentional about being emotionally, spiritually, and physically present for my family.

5.     What personal hesitations or difficulties do you anticipate within this study abroad experience?

The thing I fear the most about studying abroad in South Africa is not being with my close friends who have been my accountability partners and a huge support to me during my time at APU. The toughest part about being home in Washington State this summer has been not being physically present with my closest friends, including those who support me spiritually and personally. Having said that, I know that I would develop new friendships and find a new support system while in South Africa. God has taught me to not be fearful of the unknowns in my life because He has already laid out the path before me and He always has my best interests at heart. “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord (Jeremiah 29:11). He has got me covered, as He does each and every one of us.

Another slight hesitation I have about studying abroad in South Africa is the language barrier. I trust that during my time there I would pick up on the language over time and also get the chance to teach English to those who are not yet familiar with it in South Africa. Despite these challenges I am excited for the change and new environment that would challenge me and encourage me to be outside of my comfort zone.

6.     What are your top 5 Strengths from the StrengthsFinder? Pick one and describe how you envision it being used or developed if chosen to be a part of this Study Abroad Program.

My top five strengths from the StrengthsFinder test are input, belief, positivity, restorative, and harmony.

Positivity has been a strength within me that I have noticed very prominently throughout my life, especially since I took the StrengthsFinder test at APU last fall. My ability to stay positive would undoubtedly be challenged and continue to be developed during my time in South Africa. I can imagine that there would be many circumstances that would be foreign to myself as well as those around me such as uncomfortable beds, a lack of showers, or strange food. Other circumstances would be a little more familiar such as academic or relational problems. Although there are times when I do complain and focus on the negative, being in South Africa would challenge me to see the positive in all situations, just as Paul suggests in 1 Thessalonians 5:18: “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus” (NLT). This is a general goal in life that I keep for myself and I would grow immensely in while in South Africa.

I Thy True Son.

Again and I reminded of the fact that God is my Great Father and that I am His son. If I really sit and think about it, that thought blows me away. First of all, I don't feel even remotely worthy enough to be able to claim that. I don't deserve a Great Father. I don't deserve His goodness, His faithfulness, His love. I really don't. I am constantly turning against Him, choosing my own will and desires over His, yet He chooses to love me anyway. Crazy.

I get this image of a son whose confidence is found in the fact that His father loves him. Is that not so profound? If we knew who our Father was, if we truly knew it and believed it, our lives would look drastically different. It saddens me to see the judgment, pain, and persecution that goes on in this world. God does not look at people for what they have done, what they are doing, or what they will do. He sees them for who they are and loves them as they are. It does mean He approves of the things they do. It simply means that He loves them. This world needs to see that. If you don't know that you're loved, you need to. You need to know that your life has purpose.

Can we quit telling people how to live and start showing them how to live? I can reassure you that actions truly do speak louder than words. And it all begins with your identity. When you know Whose you are, your whole life begins to change, from the inside out.

"I Thy true daughter."
"I Thy true son."

We have a Great Father. Don't forget that.

Matthew 6:33

Shoot. I am in complete amazement at how glorious our God is. He is a miracle worker. He is a healer. He loves us, and cherishes us, and that is all that matters. Only His opinion matters. When we trust in Him, and His love, and let that be our courage, our boldness--He can do amazing things.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

That verse comes from Matthew 6:33, as the title of this blog suggests. Do you know what that means? Do you really know what that means? If you seek God first, if you put Him first in your life, everything else will come together. Life will take care of itself. Your addictions, your problems, your work--it will all come together. It will all work out. It may not be in the sense that may have wanted, but it will work out nonetheless.

When I say that everything will work out and that "life will take care of itself", I do not mean that if you seek God but sit and do nothing that everything will magically come together. Many times (in fact, in most cases) it takes our effort as well. We need to put forth effort to seek God. We need to be the ones who do our (home)work. But in a spiritual sense, everything comes together when we seek the Lord. Trust Him. Have faith in Him.

I promise you--He will never, ever fail you.

That Dark, Broken Place

As I sit here and ponder God's calling for my life, what He's calling me to do, what He's speaking to me right now--I can't help but feel completely uncomfortable. To say I am convicted would be quite the understatement.

When I look inside myself, I can't help but be disgusted. I am extremely selfish, fearful, hypocritical, unloving, undeserving, greedy, lustful, dark, and broken. I don't deserve anything good. I don't deserve God's love. I don't deserve anything worthwhile.

If you've ever thought that I have it all together, think again. I'm just as human as the next guy. Probably more prideful and sinful than the next guy. Nonetheless, God has brought me to a place where He has opened my heart and let me see the insides. Let me tell you--it's pretty filthy in there.

If you've known me for any amount of time, you've probably heard me say how I want to make a change. How I want to help people. Part of me has felt extremely inadequate when it comes to ministry because I haven't grown up living that out. I haven't done a whole lot for my community, I haven't found a need that needs to be addressed, and I haven't given up my own comfort and made many of the sacrifices necessary to follow God's calling on my life.

Being a college student wanting to go into ministry, on many accounts I have had an issue with God's calling me to go to college. After all, there are plenty of people out there who are starving and dying, and they need help now. I know that God calls us into seasons of preparation, but it is still hard to wait. I feel like I have waited long enough and I am beyond ready to go out and serve. But maybe that's why God's called me to attend a university. Not only to prepare me for what He has in store but to teach me patience. After all, He does have quite a sense of humor. Maybe that's it.

When it comes down to it, all we can really do is pursue God with all we've got and hope for the best. I am beyond grateful that we can't do anything within our own power. I am so glad that we need Him, whether we see it or not. Praise God.

For now, here are some verses for you to dwell on:

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it." - Matthew 13:44-46

"Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?" - Mark 8:34-37

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10

"After John was put in prison, Jesus went into Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God. 'The time has come,' he said. 'The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!' As Jesus walked beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 'Come, follow me,' Jesus said, 'and I will send you out to fish for people.' At once they left their nets and followed him. When he had gone a little farther, he saw James son of Zebedee and his brother John in a boat, preparing their nets. Without delay he called them, and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired men and followed him." - Mark 1:14-20

Your Kingdom Come, Your Will Be Done...

I'm sorry, but I have to share this. I have to let it all out.

God has been doing some incredible things in my life. I am completely and utterly overjoyed by His Spirit and His goodness.

Let me start with Lent. I have never done Lent before, until this year. As much as I hate cliches, I ended up giving up Facebook... like everyone else. I realized I really needed to deactivate my account when I sat there with my finger over the mouse for five minutes, not wanting to do it. Talk about "You know you're addicted when..."

So I did it. I gave up coffee and soda as well. Not entirely sure why as I wouldn't classify myself as a coffee or soda addict; however, I felt led to do it.

I've heard it said one-too-many times that when you give something up (therefore creating a lacking in your life) you need to take up something else to take its place. So, I have been doing my best to spend more time in the Word and prayer. In all honesty, it's gone all right. It gets difficult to have that quiet time every day with everything that's going on. If you're not a college student you should try it some time. It's crazy.

As I've been seeking God in this lenten season, He has been incredibly faithful. My prayers as of late have been one of two things: "Lord, help me to discern Your voice, however You may be speaking to me. Whether through circumstances, other people, Your Word, or whatever--let me discern your voice..." or "God, open up my eyes to Your Kingdom. Show me where You're at work in my life and in the lives of those around me. Give me the strength to go where You're working and join in alongside of You in Your work."

He has been incredibly faithful to answer both of these prayers. Not only has he led me to a youth ministry that has been challenging and shaping my theology and ecclesiology (i.e. the church and its practices), but my faith has grown immensely. I'm beginning to see the Kingdom all around me again, which is something I've missed. I definitely let go of that last semester. Fortunately, God is bigger than our circumstances and can redeem anything.

My mom's been in the hospital for the last few days due to tonsillitis and some bad side effects from various medications she has been taking. She is supposed to fly down to SoCal this Friday with my little brother to visit my school for the first time. A few people have said to me, "Sorry your mom's not coming," or "It's official, Mom's not gonna be able to come," and that hasn't settled very well within me.

After all, who is our God? I believe that our God is a God of miracles. I believe that our God is a God of the impossible. And I believe, by faith... that my mom will be here on Friday. I've notified many people about the situation and there are a billion and a half people praying for her. The power of prayer... it's incomprehensible. If only we understood its true power, or more so the power of our God. Seriously, think about it. As Francis Chan once said, "Do you know who you're praying to?" Let that sit for a few days.

I'm beyond excited for what's to come: to see my mom healed, to see lives changed, to see God make His will known--words could never express my excitement.

As a challenge to you, in your prayer times, begin to ask God to open up your eyes to the Kingdom. Ask Him to make His will known in your life. Ask for the ability to discern His voice. As you seek Him, He is utterly and completely faithful. And even when you're not, He still is.

Go ahead, give it a shot. I guarantee you--you won't be disappointed.

He provided! Yes, He did...!

Something amazing happened to me today and it totally caught me off guard--but it definitely made my day.

I was in the bookstore at my school and wanted to buy something, but then I remembered that I didn't have a lot of money in my bank account. After getting a haircut yesterday, I should've had $10 in my account. Just to be sure that I didn't have enough money, I texted Chase to figure out my balance. The response I got was that I had $40 in my account. "That can't be right," I thought. So I logged onto my bank account online to check all of my transactions, and sure enough, even after the haircut went through, I had a current balance of $40. Long story short, God gave me an extra $30 out of nowhere. Divine provision? I think so! :)

I've really been stressing about money lately; paying for school, getting a job--it only figures that the tuition at my school is really high and I haven't heard back on a job I applied for for almost two weeks. Aside from praying for God's provision on a daily basis, I specifically prayed for it in Men's Chorale yesterday. So to see God come through like this (even if $30 isn't a lot... it's still more than I had!) has been a huge blessing. Through it all, I can hear Him say,

"Gary. I'm in control. Don't doubt that I can provide, because I can and will. Trust me."

Keep this in mind as you go throughout your daily life. God can provide. And He will.

All you have to do is ask.

Word!

I've always known how impacting God's Word is.

The dumb thing is... I still struggle with reading it on a daily basis.

I go through certain struggles, things get rough--and I wonder why.

I agree that even if you are in the Word, you'll still go through rough times.

The difference is... being in the Word...

...it changes you.

I've been in the Word every day for the last several weeks, and I've seen it radically change my life. Every day is significantly different. Not only does being in the Word change my desires--I begin to desire the things of God over the things of this world--but it gives me a clear lens through which to see the world. It clears my head, gives me a better picture of who I am in God, who He is, and what He's calling me to do.

Here's a challenge for you: if you've been struggling with being in the Word, begin in the Psalms. Even if it's one a day, I guarantee you that you'll begin to notice significant changes in your life.

God's Word: powerful. Life-changing. Impacting.

Give it a shot.

And see what He does in your life, others' lives, and the world around you.

An Incredible Year Has Come to An End...

2011.

What an incredible year. God has changed me in tremendous ways, I can hardly begin to count all of the things that He has done.

At the beginning of the year, He called me into a season of healing. Unfortunately, I'd allowed things to distract me from going into this season. It took going into some brokenness for Him to get my attention again, but He was faithful, and I entered a season of growth that I never could have seen coming.

It was not until this year that I finally began to see myself as the man that God created me to be. I began to see myself as an "overcomer," one who walks in victory and freedom. Old mindsets of mine have radically changed and I'm so glad that they did.

Around the beginning of the summer, He told me that I was going into a season of "basic faith". This did not mean that I was going to regress back to where I had previously been spiritually; it meant that I was going to go back to the foundations of my faith. I experienced a decent amount of growth over the summer, but that was nothing in comparison to what I would experience in the fall, coinciding with the beginning of my college career.

In the few short months I spent at APU for my first semester of college, my faith was beaten to the ground. It got to a point where worshiping in church became awkward; I'd felt as if I did not believe in God and I didn't belong there. If it weren't for His grace, I would have certainly given up on Him.

Alas, I came out of that season with a faith much stronger than any faith I'd had before. My faith is much more grounded now than it was four months ago, and I'm so glad that God led me through the storm that He did. It's amazing how He can use things like that to shape us and make us stronger.

I'm lookin' forward to another year to see God move in mighty ways.
More chances for my faith to grow.
More opportunities to spread His love.
And another year to grow closer to Him and become more like Him.

2012... bring it on.

17 hours 'til departure.

In 17 (and a half) hours, I will be leaving Los Angeles for Mexicali, Mexico. Not only am I leaving the United States for the first time (and going to Mexico for the first time), but I am embarking on my first missions trip ever. I'm a little anxious and nervous, yet excited at the same time. I'm heading into the unknown, and I have no idea what to expect there. It's probably a good thing I don't have any expectations though. It'll leave plenty of room for God to do whatever He wants in and through me.

Unfortunately, I have been pretty sick with some sort of flu virus for the past few weeks. Fortunately, I'm doing a lot better now than I have been. It makes me somewhat nervous that I'll be in another country in less-than-comforting conditions when I've been fighting sickness, but there's that part of me that won't worry about it. Why? Cause I know God will come through. He always does. And I figure it's pretty good to be in that place going into a missions trip. That place where you have to depend on God.

It wasn't until this summer that God called me to "go to the nations". Basically, He called me into mission work. Ironically, as I said before, I've never been on a missions trip before. And then, a few weeks ago at a choir performance, I discovered that I have a passion to work with youth. "Funny" enough, my team will be at a local church and putting on a VBS there. So in some ways, I guess I do have some expectations for this trip. I'm hoping that God will make some things clear as far as my future goes. We'll see.

Mexico... here I come!

Salvation

Sometimes I wonder what it means to "be saved." To acquire "salvation." It's funny, cause it almost makes it sound like we have the ability to obtain it. Which, in a sense, we do. We have to choose it. But after that... it's God that saves us. If it weren't for Him, we wouldn't even have the choice to choose it.

Talking about "being saved" could easily sound condescending to those that don't know God, whether they willingly choose not to believe in Him or maybe they have never heard of Him at all. The funny thing is, us "Christians" aren't any better than those people. In fact, we're almost in a worse situation. I say "worse" in the sense that we (Christians) are aware of our problems--it's probably the most significant difference between those that believe in God and those who do not.

In some ways, it's been hard growing up in a Christian home. I've almost grown up in this "church bubble"--always knowing what I believed, knowing that there was something bigger out there. It wasn't until I got to college that I realized that it was time to take ownership of my faith. I will not lie to you--it has been an extremely rocky ride. Most of the time I feel like an "outsider," like one who does not believe in God. And I can sympathize with those who don't. Some of the stuff we do in Church--it can seem kind of crazy. Maybe it's time we put away all of our "Christianese" and quit taking pride in our churchly ways. I don't think it draws people close to God; if anything, it probably pushes them away.

Our words, our actions don't save people; God does. Let's be real with people, show them that we're human like they are. After all, that's what we all are: human.

Whatever salvation means to you, remember that it's found in seeking God and believe in who He is. The biggest difference between you and the person who doesn't believe, is that you have hope. Let that hope shine. Let that love shine. I believe that this is what Christianity comes down to. When one isn't sure whether God exists or not, it's the love that shines through. It's doing things that don't make sense. Loving those who don't share your beliefs. Helping the prostitutes, the drug addicts, the thiefs--not throwing all these Christian words at them, but loving on them. There are plenty of "good people" in the world, and if Christians look exactly like these "good people," then something must be wrong. Christians aren't just "good people." They weren't created to be just "good people."

Was Christ good, or was he crazy? What made Him stand out from the crowd?

Maybe it's time we quit being so "good," and start being a little crazy.

Grace

Apart from God, I am not worthy.
Apart from God, I am shameful. I am condemned.
Without God, I have no hope. I have no chance at redemption.
I have no chance at a pure or holy life.
Without God, life has no meaning.

If not for God, whom shall I live for? The world does not satisfy.

There has to be more than this.
I will not stand to stay where I'm at.
I won't succumb to my fleshly desires any longer. They fail me.

The world fails me. People fail me. My own efforts... they fail me.
There is only One who does not fail.
His name...

His name, is God.
His name is Yahweh.
He is the King of Kings.
He is my Father.

By God's grace, I am worthy.
By God's grace, I have no shame.
By God's grace, I have new life. No more damnation.

God gives me hope. God redeems me.
God shows me how to live a holy and a pure life. He shows me how to live for Him.
God gives my life meaning. Purpose.

This is my God.
He is a God of grace.

Finding God in a Godless world.

There are so many things stirring in my heart, I hardly know where to begin. I'll go back to the beginning of summer.

I don't know about you, but my relationship with God goes through different seasons. At the beginning of this last summer, He told me that He was going to take me back to a "basic faith." Not that He would take me back to where I was, but He was taking me into something even better. If only I had known what that would entail--but it was probably good that I didn't.

As time went on, I began to come to a point where it was the "simple truths" that had the most value--God's love, man's failures redeemed through Christ's sacrifice, John 3:16--you know. The "simple stuff." And then I came to college. In my Bible class, I began to learn things that shook my faith. Things that I had grown up believing to be true were not as true as I thought they had been. The foundation I had built my faith on was being penetrated, and it wasn't the most comfortable thing to go through.

I began asking myself questions that "baby Christians" or those who are seeking God (but do not yet know Him) ask. What's the point of all this? Are we crazy? If God's as real as Jesus claimed to be, why does the world seem so Godless? How can God be real, yet we live in a world where God seems nowhere to be found? Many times I've found myself feeling like an outsider in church, chapel--whenever I'm gathered with a myriad of people who believe in God. It's almost as if I could see the church from an outsider's perspective.

After talking with a close friend of mine tonight (and hearing some of my professors' lectures), I came to realize a few things:

1. Faith without doubt would not be called "faith." Doubt, and asking questions, is normal to the Christian faith. Doubting is normal.

2. Amidst the doubt, we can always hold onto our hope in Jesus Christ. After all, we do hope for the things unseen. The things we're unsure about. It's Jesus Christ that we hold onto. He is our foundation.

3. It's easy for us to ask God why He allows pain and evil into the world, but He could easily ask us the same exact question. "My son, why is there pain and suffering in the world?" More than anything, I believe that this is a call for us to take seriously. We've got a big task ahead of us--bringing the light and truth to a broken and fallen world. But what a joy that is! What an honor that is! That God would choose us. Choose us, the most broken and messed up people around--to fulfill His purposes and build His kingdom. Isn't that crazy?!

Christianity is the only religion with a God who died for His people--who willingly suffered with them, because His love for them was so great. That truth in and of itself is insane! It should blow your mind!

Wherever you're at, be encouraged. God has you there for a reason. You can bring Him glory in all that you do--studying, running, serving the poor--nothing's off limits when it comes to bringing God glory.

Let's be a people that go out and change the world! As cliche as it sounds, it's a valid passion. I know for me personally, I don't want to sit around my entire life and waste it away pursuing wealth, success, whatever--none of that will satisfy. Even if there isn't life after death, even if this was our only life to live, I wouldn't want to sit around and waste it fulfilling my own desires.

It's time to pursue something bigger.

It's time to pursue God, and discover the calling that He has on our lives.

It's time.

The Lost Are Found.

My heart is completely and utterly overwhelmed by God. For the longest time, I was afraid and prejudice against the people that were going through what I'd gone through. "I can't help them," I would tell God. In fact, I was set entirely against it. I wouldn't do it, and nothing could make me. I recently heard from a pastor that God takes the most shameful parts of our lives and makes them the greatest platforms for our ministry. Long story short, we end up helping those that are presently where we once were. And to be honest, that can be scary. Whatever you went through--abuse, neglect, depression, the death of someone close--the negative emotions may come back to you when you think about what you went through. The good news is that God's bigger than that. He's faithful to heal and bring restoration--new life. We don't have to be afraid to minister to the broken; to love them and show them how God really feels about them. Why? Because God is with us. My favorite song at the moment is "God Is Able" from Hillsong's latest CD, God Is Able.

God is able / He will never fail / He is Almighty God

Greater than all we seek / Greater than all we ask

He has done great things

Lifted up / Defeated the grave / Raised to life

Our God is able!

In His name we overcome

For the Lord, our God is able!

Did you catch that? Our God is able! God can do anything! He can set you free from your sin! He can restore that broken relationship! He can lead you on the most exciting journey you'll ever live!

It won't be easy--no one ever said it would be. And if they did, they are wrong.

But it doesn't matter that it's going to be difficult, because

Our God is ABLE.

My Provider.

When it comes to college, I have been extremely stressed out. Not about roommates, classes, or how many mochas I'm going to drink first semester. I've been stressed about money. For whatever reason, I have had trouble letting it go. Any money I get, I hold onto it tightly unless I absolutely have to let it go.

As far as college goes, a majority of my costs are covered. About 70% of my costs are covered through scholarships, grants, and other kinds of aid. That in and of itself is a huge reflection of God's provision, and I'm very thankful for that. Unfortunately, because of the high cost of my school, there's still a significant amount of money that I'm having to take out in loans.

If it weren't for the fact that I know God is calling me down to SoCal, I probably would not be going there. After all, almost any other school I could've gone to would probably have been entirely covered financially. Next-to-no loans. If that were the case, however, I know that I would miss a huge opportunity to grow. In both my faith and in my relationship with God.

"God, if you want me to go to another school, please let me know." That was the prayer I prayed consistently at the beginning of the summer. Sure, I knew that "if it was God's will, He'd fit the bill." But did I truly know it? I'll be honest--I really didn't, and even today it can be hard to believe.

The main reason I stayed in the Tri-Cities and didn't move four hours away with my family was because I had (and have) a job here. After all, it seemed smart to save up as much money as I could for college, right? I was talking with my manager recently, trying to get more hours, but even when she changed my schedule, I still ended up with only 20 hours next week (when it's summer, that's not a whole lot; at least for me anyways).

I was talking to a friend over coffee last night, and in the middle of our conversation, it hit me: God's still, small, quiet voice.

"Gary... let it go." I couldn't help but think, Are you crazy?! I need to work as much as I can! Yet I kept hearing Him say the same thing: "Gary... don't worry about it. I will provide."

Thanks to God, I've actually noticed a change in my heart over the past couple of days: money does not bother me so much anymore. I just quit worrying about it. I won't lie to you; it was one of the hardest things I've had to do. But I know that when you let things go, and do what may not make sense to the world but be obedient to Him, He'll be faithful. Whether I'm obedient or not, He always is. Which gives me all the more reason to trust Him.

A Burning, A Yearning.

Something deep is stirring within my heart. Something deep. It's weird because I've only noticed it for the past couple of days. Maybe it's always been there. Maybe it's been "in the making." I know God's doing something within me, but I'm not entirely sure what. I know it's something new. I know it's something bigger than me.

I'm in a place where I feel extremely drawn to Him, especially when something "of the world" triggers me. Whenever something comes up that could adversely affect me (an attack of the enemy, a negative thought, whatever), I get slammed with the Holy Spirit. I can't help but think of God and how majestic He is. How powerful He is. How incredibly loving He is. He is the most loving, faithful, and caring God.

I pray that each and every one of you are drawn deeper into His presence. There's so much more waiting for you. You can never go "far enough" with God. There will always be room to grow, room to love, and room to be strengthened.

I'm beyond ready to see God move. Out of this overflow of His love, I wanna tell the whole world! I want everyone to know how great He is. How loving He is. How real He is.

He's truly an incredible God.

He truly is.

What You Can Learn From a Buffalo. Yes, a Buffalo.

This upcoming week is probably going to be one of the most difficult weeks I have had in a while. First off, my mom is taking our family dog, Anber-lin, to her new home tomorrow. Unfortunately my family is not able to take her with them when they move, so we had to find a new home for her. The good news is that she'll be living with a great family, and on a farm at that--she'll love her new home, I just know it. We've had her for the entire time we've lived in the Tri-Cities, and she's been with us through everything--my father's death, and so on.When they say dogs are "man's best friend," they weren't kidding. So tomorrow will be kind of rough.

As to the rest of this week, we've got to finish packing and cleaning our house. My mom and little brother are moving back to the Portland-metropolitan area this weekend, but I'm staying here for the rest of summer to work and to enjoy time with my friends before we all take off for college. It's crazy to think that I will be on my own and independent short of one week. It's exciting yet frightening all at the same time.

And then in August, there's the part where I say goodbye to all my friends and we all part our separate ways to go to college, and so on. I tell you all that to say this--all this change is pushing me out of my comfort zone. Everything's been "taken out from under me," so to speak, and it's put me in a place where I have no choice but to trust God. As I told my mom the other night, "God is literally the only constant in my life." How true is that? Everything can change around you, people can come and go, you can move however far away, and the only One who will never leave you is God. With that in mind, I'm very grateful for this season. I'm growing closer to Him, learning how to make Him my Rock and my Constant, and I can already anticipate how much growth is going to come in the next couple of months.

There's one more thought I'd like to share--something a missionary friend (and adopted aunt) told me the other day when we met for coffee. She said something like this: "It's amazing what you can learn from buffalo. When a storm comes, rather than running away from the storm, they head right into it. Why? Because they get through it quicker, rather than prolonging the storm if they were to run away from it." Isn't that an awesome thought? Take on your storms, don't run away from them. That's definitely encouraged me. So, with all the change coming up in the next week, and in the next month too--I'm going to run head-on into my "storm." Not just so I'll get through it faster, but so I can grow and thrive from it.

Am I ready for change? Not really, but God will get me through it. He always does.

Bare.

I've been thinking a lot lately. About my faith, about who I am, about who God is, the truth of His Word... and much more. It's an interesting place to be in. A month or so ago, God told me that I was going into a season of "simple faith." This didn't mean that He was taking me back to where I used to be, it just meant that He was taking me to a place where my faith would be solidified on the "simple" truths: for example, that God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16). Grace, mercy... love. These "basic" concepts.

I'm at a place in my life where I want to be bare with God. Think about it. When God created Adam and Eve, they were naked. No shame, no guilt, no self-consciousness. Their focus was on God and that's all that mattered. It was only when they took their eyes off of Him that they realized they were naked, became ashamed of it, and covered themselves. When I say I want to be "bare" with God, I don't mean I want to walk around naked from now on. What I mean is that I don't want to hide myself. I'm tired of that part of me that points out all the flaws and all the failures. All of the ways that I'm not perfect. All of the ways that I may not be like "everyone else." Truth is, we all have flaws. We've all got things that we deal with. Whether those flaws be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual, we all have them. Why should we be ashamed? After all, we're human. I'm not saying that sin is justified, 'cause it's not. It's time we take ownership for what we've done, take ownership for our imperfections, and lay them before God. Be "bare" before Him, and before everyone else. Why? Because it makes us trust in Him. When we're bare, we have to rely on Him. Only He can protect us at that point.

It's time we quit living in a false world (whether in sin or in "perfection" or self-righteousness) and come to terms with reality. The true reality. Not that you'll only look beautiful if you have a size zero waist, or that you're only a "real man" if you like to kill things and don't show emotion. Those things are lies. Let's become a people that quit believing in those things. Let's be a people who love unconditionally. God does... so why don't we?

It's time for us to be bare before God.

It's time to be bare before this world.

"What It Means to Overcome"

For my family and friends who weren't able to make it to my school's baccalaureate last week on May 31st, here's the speech I gave:

What does it mean to “overcome?” I mean, seriously. Many may think of it as conquering obstacles or being bigger than your problems. Getting over a break-up. Moving forward after a parents’ divorce. Quitting smoking. I would certainly agree that all of these things are various forms of overcoming. But for me, it takes on a much deeper meaning. Overcoming isn’t an action; it’s a lifestyle. Growing up, like any other kid, I had a number of problems and issues that I faced. From fighting with my parents to a low self-esteem, the list seemed to go on and on. The biggest obstacle through middle school and early high school was condemnation. When I didn’t meet what I perceived to be my parents’ expectations of me, in my mind—I failed. And it was all my fault. When I didn’t do something right, when I messed up—an insurmountable wall of condemnation, guilt, and shame overtook me. I had no worth. I was no good… to anyone. These were the thoughts that ran through my mind. On numerous occasions I wished that God had made me someone else. “You must have made a mistake,” I would tell Him. If only I’d known what He must have been thinking at that time: that nothing could be further from the truth. I went through a short period of depression, even where suicidal thoughts came to my mind. Fortunately for me, and for everyone else, I never had an ounce of courage to try anything. After years of condemnation, family issues, being made fun of, and much more, I made it through. I know for a fact that it wasn’t because of anything I had done; it was God’s hand on my life that got me through.

In the spring of my eighth grade year, I received the news that would have a tremendous impact on my life: my family was moving to the Tri-Cities. At the time, moving became the biggest challenge in my life: to leave behind all my friends, all my family, everything I had ever known for something new... it was tough. I completely hated the idea. I had no idea what God had in store for me, and with the little faith I had I trusted that He had a plan and that He was in control. For the first year that I lived here, I hated it. Going back to Portland was still going home for me. The summer before my sophomore year, some family-friends of ours moved to Richland from Vancouver. “Coincidentally,” my friends’ mom had heard about a church—Columbia Foursquare Church—from her realtor. I had heard about the youth group, Breakthrough, from my friend Jennae, but had never really gotten the chance to go until my sophomore year. At this point in my life, I still had most if not all the issues I’d been dealing with for several years; not much had changed. When I went to Breakthrough for the first time, a leader and now my good friend Robby approached me before I’d even walked in the door, and from then on he helped me in my walk with God. God brought tremendous growth in me while Robby was my leader, and in no time, I finally overcame condemnation. My eyes were opened to the truth about who God really was—and is: an all-powerful, loving God. He didn’t want me to follow a bunch of rules; He wanted me to be my best. He wanted a relationship with me. This meant and still means more to me than I could ever explain. Piece-by-piece, God began working in me, and radically changed me. If only I had known what the next couple of years were to bring.

February 2^nd, 2009 was a day like any other. We were building rollercoasters in physics, working on valograms in choir, and school was, well… it was school. I’ll never forget how bright and sunny it was that day. I got home from school, took a nap, worked on homework, and mom was making Sloppy Joe’s for dinner. No one had heard from my dad in a while, but I convinced myself that everything was alright and that he would be home in no time. I was talking with a friend on the phone when I happened to glance out the front window in the living room and noticed a cop car parked across the street. Two policemen were walking towards the front door, and it was in this moment that I began to panic. Without saying goodbye I hung up on my friend, set my phone down, and opened the door. “Is your mom here?” one of the officers asked me. I had barely called for my mom when she came down the hallway and reached the front door. Mom went outside to talk with the officers, and I frantically began calling and texting everyone I could think of. “I don’t know what’s going on,” I said, starting to lose it. In a minute or two I heard the worst sound I’ve ever heard in my entire life: my mom wailing from the front porch. The most sickening feeling I have ever felt washed over me. Still in confusion and shock, my prayers came out as me saying: “God, I love You, God, I love You,” over and over again. It’s the only thing I could manage to get myself to pray.

If I were given the chance to take back my father’s death—make it so it never happened, I’m not sure that I would. Do I want to have my dad back? Sure I do; there’s no doubt about that. But to look back and see how much I’ve grown from it, how much stronger I’ve become…you don’t see that kind of growth by any other means. When it comes to the healing and grieving process, I can’t say I’ve done much; if anything, I’ve given God a chance and let Him take control of the situation; of my life. By His grace, there was enough faith grounded in me to where my father’s death brought me closer to Him, not away from Him. I have never been sure why things turned out that way; but I guess that’s a question for God to answer, eh? All that matters is that it was in God’s plan for me to respond the way I did, not just for my own benefit but for the benefit of others as well. Isn’t that what life is about? I don’t think we are blessed or grow stronger for only our own benefit; it’s just as important for everyone else. Our impact on others can be profound, and when we realize that, our outlook on life changes.

I could tell you even more about the things I used to struggle with; self-image, lack of confidence, trying to find fulfillment in things other than God—friends, money… even myself. If only I were perfect, if only I had everything together, then I would be okay. What I’ve come to realize, especially over the past several months, is that living a joyful life, a good life, doesn’t come from having it all together. It doesn’t matter how many friends you have, how great your friends are, how much money you have, how much stuff you have… fulfillment, at least for me, comes from knowing that my God cares about me. He loves me, He wants the best for me, and He has a plan for my life that I can hardly even begin to fathom. No longer do I view myself through the mess-ups, the failures, or the hardships—those things do not define me. I saw “Kung Fu Panda 2” on Friday night, and yes—I am going to quote a line from the movie. When talking to the soothsayer, Po begins to realize where his identity comes from—where it’s always been meant to come from. The soothsayer tells him, “It’s not your past that defines who you are; it’s your future and who you choose to be.” If you’ve been defining yourself by what you’ve been through, by how many times you’ve screwed up, then you’ve been defining yourself the wrong way. We were never created to be defined this way. God didn’t create Adam and Eve and think, “Man, once they mess up—that’s all they’ll ever be!” Christ’s coming back and dying on the cross to save mankind, to save us from ourselves, redeemed us—it gave a choice to choose who we want to be. So… who are you going to be? After you graduate, this summer, when you go to college—how are you going to define yourself? Are you going to be one defined by your past failures, or are you going to be defined as one who has overcome?

The choice is yours. But I can tell you from my own experience, that God is faithful in every situation. When you let Him take control of your life, He’ll take you to unimaginable places—He’ll take you on the craziest, most exciting journey you could ever live. Such is the life of one who has overcome. Not by their own strength, but by “Him who strengthens me.”

Let's Celebrate!

I don't know about you, but I love reminiscing. It's fun to see where I've come from, and how much I have changed over the past several years. The growth has been tremendous, and I'm forever grateful to God for putting me in a place (literally) where that could happen.

In preparation for my family's big move as well as me going to college in the fall, I've been going through all of my stuff--keepsake boxes, books, closet, etc. As I was going through my stuff I found a few letters that I had written--they're more like journal entries I guess--revealing a lot of who I used to be and what my outlook on life used to be.

Gary Conachan four years ago was very self-conscious. Very timid, shy, wasn't very confident in who he was, and wasn't living the life that he was meant to live. Although I might have looked happy on the outside, deep down there was an ache and a hunger for something more--something to bring true fulfillment. Unfortunately I didn't realize the significance of a relationship with God until about two and a half years ago. That's when God became very real to me--since then, my relationship with Him has been progressive. Always moving forward, always things happening.

Looking at who I am today, I am confident in who I am, truly happy with who I am and who God made me to be, and I'm living in freedom for the first time in my life. For the longest time I lived a life of guilt, condemnation, low self-esteem--and all of that is gone. God has truly taken a broken man, a sinner--and restored me to new life. I am now living the life that I know God intended me to live all along, and it's great.

Do I still fall? Sure I do. Nobody's perfect. We still go through rough patches. But what's different about me now as compared to four years ago is I get back up. I keep on fighting, trusting in God and staying strong. I know who I am: I am a son of the Most High God, and I am defined by what I've overcome, not by what I've done. And I know that that is truly who I was meant to be all along--and the same goes for you too.

God wants so much more for us than we allow ourselves. He wants us to have that joy, to have that freedom, to live the life that we were meant to live. Living the life that God intended me to live is much better than anything else the world has to offer. Anyone saying that they don't need God is really missing out. Sure, everything may be fine in your life, but are you truly happy? And you truly satisfied with where you're going in life, and what you're living for?

If you haven't given God a chance, or if you've merely given Him a thought but second-guessed yourself, all I can say is: Give Him a shot. You won't regret your decision, and tremendous things will happen in your life. Jesus Christ is the same today, yesterday, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). If He's transformed so many other people's lives before you, why wouldn't He want to transform yours as well?

It's up to you; the decision is yours. But all I can do is testify to His goodness, and the impact that He's had on my life; the same impact that He can have on yours.

I Refuse

There's a great song I've been hearing on K-Love a lot recently, and I ended up buying the song on iTunes last night. Here are the lyrics:

Sometimes I, I just want to close my eyes
And act like everyone's alright
When I know they're not
This world needs God, but it's easier to stand and watch
I could pray a prayer and just move on
Like nothing's wrong

But I refuse

I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
I could choose not to move
But I refuse

I can hear the least of these, crying out so desperately
And I know we are the hands and feet of You, Oh God
So if You say move, it's time for me to follow through
And do what I was made to do
And show them who You are

[chorus]

I refuse to stand and watch the weary and lost cry out for help
I refuse to try and turn my back and act like all is well
I refuse to stay unchanged, to wait another day to die to myself
I refuse to make one more excuse

[chorus]


I love the lyrics to this song, because not only have these desires rung true in my own life lately, but I think it's an anthem that rings true for this generation. We want purpose. We want to do something with our lives. We're sick and tired of letting life pass us by and not doing anything.

I know for me personally, I want to be one of those people who "change the world." As cliche as that may sound, it's true. One person can make a difference, and my hope is that this generation would get out there, find their purpose, and start doing something. No more sitting around and waiting for someone else to make a change. It's time for us to get up, get out there, and go change our world.